Survivor: The Nightmare Edition
by Tom Bone
Summary: Jack, Sally, Lock, Shock, Barrel, Oogie, the Mayor, and Dr. Finklestein, are teleported onto a deserted island to star in a reality show. Oh, and the rating's T for some cursing and material that may be unsuitable for children.
1. Day 1

Day 1

Me (on a beach of a deserted island with an iPod Shuffle): Well, considering the fact that I hate Survivor and the fact that I have no idea whether they canceled the show or not, lead me to think one thing: "I wanna steal Survivor's glory! Muahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" So I did. And here are our contestants!

presses the play button on the iPod and Jack, Sally, Lock, Shock, Barrel, Oogie, the Mayor, and Dr. Finklestein appear out of nowhere. They all begin looking around in a confused manner

Me: Welcome, guys, did you have a nice trip?

Jack: Where are we? And who are you? You better not be some over-powerful fancharacter.

Me: In that order: Beats me. Tom Bone. Too bad, I am. Ha!

Sally: So what in the world is going on?

Me: Lemmee run it by you, gorgeous; you, along with the other weirdoes have been teleported here to play a little game. I'll be back to get whosever left in a month. Meanwhile, I'll be watching everything you do on TV, except the "potty moments". Ciao! 

disappears

Jack: What an ass…

Dr. F: Have no fear, Dr. Finklestein is hear!

Batman theme begins to play

Dr. F presses a button on the arm of his wheelchair; jets grow out of the back of his chair. He puts a helmet on with flames painted on it that reads "badass". His wheelchair begins to fly and he soars out above the ocean. The wheelchair begins to sputter and he falls into the ocean and sinks below the surface. Suddenly, dorsal fins of sharks are seen circling around the spot where he sank.

Batman theme stops

All: 1 down. 

Sally: Well, now I don't have to make anymore soup.

Lock: What do we do for food?

everyone's stomach rumbles 

Barrel: We can hunt for animals in the jungle on the island.   
Jack: Good idea, Barrel, let's split up to find them.

later 

Jack: You guys find anything?

Sally: I've got a squirrel.

Lock: I got a chimp.

Shock: I got a crab. 

Barrel (with eyes all puffy and watering): I got a skunk. 

Oogie: I got a snail.

Mayor: I got a rock.

Jack: Ooooooookay, then…Well, I guess we can go without food for tonight. Luckily, that weird fancharacter gave us tents to sleep in. So, I guess we can pack it in for the night…

They're all sleeping in different tents

Sally after all is quiet: When was the only time Tom said he wouldn't watch us?

Oogie: Potty moments.

Sally: Frigging pervert!


	2. Day 2

Day 2

Jack: Alright, guys, I was up all last night thinking: "So, where's the potty Tom was talking about?"

Cricket Chirps

Mayor: Jack, I'm only an elected official here, I can't wipe my butt with a leaf!

Jack: Exactly, Mayor. 

Sally: We could just go in that bush over there.

Shock: Sally! That's barbaric! We'd be like hobos and Neanderthals combined if we didn't use proper—stomach rumbles loudly Excuse me for a minute.

Hops in the bush and various barnyard/mechanical noises are heard

Jack trying to ignore the noises: Okay and he didn't even give us fresh water. While we were "hunting" did any of you find anything while hunting? 

Mayor: I found lemonade.

Jack: R—really!

Mayor: Yeah, c'mon!

Soon, they walk to a remote spot in the jungle and there is yellow liquid all over the ground.

Lockdips his finger in it and smells it: It smells like lemonade. sticks finger in mouth and it tastes like it too!

everyone tries some except Sally

Sally looks up and sees a squirrel's nest. Then looks back down at the group tasting the lemonade: I'll let them find out on their own.

Many hours later, Jack and Mayor are sitting on the beach in their underwear and speaking to each other in a drunken matter. Each is holding half eaten coconuts with the lemonade in them

Jack: Mayor?

Mayor: What? 

Jack: Mayor?

Mayor: What?  
Jack: Mayor?

Mayor: What?

Jack: Mayor?

Mayor: What?

Jack: Mayor? 

Mayor: What?

Jack: Mayor?

Mayor: For God's sake, Jack, WHAT!

Jack: Huh?

Mayor: I dunno.

Jack: Say, how do you pronounce the word "vase"?

Mayor: Your mom.

Jack: Hey, Mayor?

Mayor: Yeah.

Sally walks onscreen and watches the two

Jack: We've been calling you "mayor" all these years and we have no idea what your name is. Is your name "mayor"? Was your mom a fortuneteller and she looked into the future and saw you were going to be elected Mayor?

Mayor: Huh?

Jack: Yeah, I dunno… You know what? After I drank that lemonade, I felt happy all day.

Mayor: Me, too.

Jack: Why do we feel so happy?

Mayor: Cuz God loves us. He knows we love lemonade.

Jack: When I get off this boat, I'm gonna rename lemonade: "happy juice". I'll make millions!  
Mayor: We're on an island.

Jack: And a fine howdy-do to you, too.

Sally: FOR GOD'S SAKE, YOU GUYS ARE DRUNK ON SQUIRREL PISS! walks away grumbling Frigging morons!

Jack and Mayor realize this, and start shoving sand into their mouth

Later: They are all exploring the beach

Barrel: Look what I found.

Everyone walks over and they see a tree about ten feet tall with potatoes growing on it

Oogie: Is that…

Sally: …A potato tree? 

Oogie: I thought potatoes only grew under ground!

Lock: They grow under your mom, too! But we finally have food now! Lock begins jumping up and down trying to reach the potatoes, but he knows he can't Stupid tree! starts kicking the trunk

As soon as it realizes it, a Potato Bird (a potato with wings and feet) hops out from its hole in the tree onto one of the branches. He mistakes Lock for a french-fry worm (That's what Potato Birds eat! Duh!) and picks him up by the shoulders and brings him back into the hole 

Lock: Oh, my God! Someone help me!

All: 2 down


	3. Day 6

I'm really sorry for the wait, everybody!

Day 6

Me (voice over): They're tired, hungry, and they smell freakin' horrible. But their luck will soon change…not. Hahaha!…I love myself! 

(all are eating potatoes)

Sally: I can't all we've had to drink is coconut milk.

Jack (mockingly towards Mayor): Don't forget the "lemonade"

Mayor: Don't you mean "happy juice", moron?

Jack: You wanna go? Huh? (holds up fists)

Mayor (does the same): Yeah, come on, wimp!

Oogie (sobbing): STOP IT!! STOP IT!! CAN'T YOU SEE THIS CONSTANT FIGHTING IS TEARING US ALL APART?!?!

(Silence)

Mayor: OMG! You watch "The Lovey-Dovey-Kissy-Goo-Goo Hour, too?

Oogie: Did you see episode 28 when…(rambles on)

(Oogie and Mayor begin quoting the soap opera in unison)

Jack: That was really creepy…

Barrel: In about a week, or so. We're going have to vote a member off. Like on the REAL Survivor.

(I appear out of nowhere)

Me: How all yall crazy kids doing?

Jack: I thought you said you'd be back in a month!

Me: Well, I just wanted to check up on you to see if you're tearing at each other's throats yet.

(More Silence)

Oogie (peacefully): We're all friends; we would never have such horrible feelings towards each other.  
Barrel (picks up a nickel off the ground): Hey! I found a nickel!

Oogie (jumps up into the air and does a butt slam on Barrel, crushing him): GIMMEE THAT NICKEL, YOU LITTLE BOOGER!!

Me: Okay, that was pretty much the creepiest thing I've ever seen…

Shock: I have a question 

Me: Spit it out, ugly.

Shock: What does the winner get?

Me: Um…(nervous chuckle)

Shock: You were going to give us something RIGHT?

Me (changes subject): Sally, you snore like a hobo with a cold, you know that?

Sally: (scoffs) Get a life, Bone.

Me: Yeah, like I haven't heard THAT one before.

Sally: Well, yo mamma's so dumb, she thinks Dick Chainey is what you use to—

Jack (stops Sally abruptly): Okay, I think we've heard enough for today.

Sally (while Jack is holding her back): Lemmee at 'im!

Me: I'll be back in another two weeks. (Ominous voice) That's when you get to vote a member off your team. Muahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! (disappears)

Jack: I've said it once and I'll say it again: "What an ass…"


	4. Day 17

**I'm really sorry for the wait; my computer got wiped because it rus running so slow so I had to copy and paste whatever I could from here and retype the rest. Hopefully, the winner will be announced within the month! Oh, and Sally says a dirty yo mamma joke; you have been warned...**

**Day 17**

**Jack (wearily): I can't believe we ate all of those potatos!**

**Shock: What are we gonna eat?**

**Mayor (with a crazy look in his eye): IF I DON'T GET SOMETHING TO EAT IN THE NEXT SIX AND A HALF SECONDS I'M GONNA HAVE TO RESULT TO CANNIBALSIM!!!!**

**Barrel (innocently, playing with a stick): I read once that, in some cultures, people eat insects.**

**(Everyone realizes what Barrel says and they slowly turn to Oogie)**

**Oogie (nervously): Can't we all just get along?!**

**(Everyone closes in on Oogie)**

**(The island is shown from many miles above as we hear Oogie faintly screaming, then we zoom back down to the island)**

**All: 3 down.**

**Shock: Even though we didn't like him very much, was it sill right to eat Oogie Boogie?**

**Mayor (picks up Shock and lifts her over his head): OF COURSE IT WAS!!! YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR INSOLENCE!!!! **

**(Mayor throws Shock into the ocean who sinks below the surface. Suddenly, dorsal fins of sharks are seen circling around the spot where he sank)**

**Mayor (proudly): 4 down!**

**Sally (smacks Mayor across the face): WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!?!?!?!?!**

**Mayor (crossly): Trying to win, dumbass! What are you gonna do about it?!**

**Sally (gets a scary look on her face): Do I have to insult yo mamma?!**

**Mayor (in terror): No! Don't do it! Take pitty on my measly soul!**

**Sally: Yo mamma's so fat, she made Oogie look anorexic!!**

**Jack and Barrel: Ooooooooooooooooooooh!!!!**

**Mayor (still cowering): W-well...YO mamma's so dumb, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept! **

**Jack and Barrel: Ooooooooooooooooooooh!!!!**

**Sally: Yo mamma's so ugly, she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning!**

**Jack and Barrel: Ooooooooooooooooooooh!!!!**

**Mayor (with more confidense): Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her!!!!**

**Jack and Barrel: Ooooooooooooooooooooh!!!!**

**Sally: Yo mama so hairy you almost died of rugburn at birth!**

**Jack and Barrel: Ooooooooooooooooooooh!!!!**

**Mayor (with an insanely, angry voice): THAT'S IT, BITCH! I WAS GOIN' EASY ON YOU! BUT NOW, YOU JUST CROSSED THE BORDER INTO DISSVILLE!!! Yo mama so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet! Yo mamma's so stupid, she couldn't pass a drug test! Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved! Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes! Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!**

**(Sally tries to speak, but Mayor keeps going)**

**Mayor: Yo mama so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs! Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."!! Yo mama so short she does backflips under the bed! Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"**

**Sally (screams): YO MAMMA'S LIKE A VACCUM; SHE SUCKS, SHE BLOWS, THEN GETS LAID IN THE CLOSET!!!!!!**

**(Silence)**

**(Mayor runs away crying)**

**Sally (proudly): That's how _I _plant one! **


	5. Day 20

**Day 20**

**(Everyone sitting around the campfire as I walk on screen)**

**Me: Having fun, kiddles?**

**Everyone: NO!!!**

**Me: M'Kay. Now, here's the rules of the next activity. I hand you each a slip of paper. You write who you want to get voted off on it and place it in this box. Say something about your choice to the little camera and if it's a tie, we'll play Rock, Paper, Scissors or something.**

**(Barrel raises his hand)**

**Me: And, NO; there is no tidal wave, nuclear bomb, tornado, or rabid monkey in the tiebreaker game.**

**(Barrel puts his hand down)**

**(I hand out the slips of paper as Mayor writes down his choice and brings it up)**

**Mayor (to camera): I chose Sally! That bi-otch is goin' down and she's not winning the prize...whatever it is..**

**(Sally writes down her choice and brings it up)**

**Sally (to camera): I chose Mayor. 'Nuff said.**

**(Jack writes down his choice and brings it up)**

**Jack (to camera): I don't feel right doing this, but Mayor's getting cranky and I want him gone before things get worse.**

**(Barrel writes down his choice and brings it up)**

**Barrel (to camera): I chose Jack. He ALWAYS gets all the glory; time for someone else to be in the spotlight! **

**(minutes later)**

**Me: Okey-dokey, artichokeys...let's see what we've got. (Pulls the votes out of the box). We've got one vote for Sally. One vote for Mayor. One vote for Jack. And another for Mayor. So, with 2-1-1, Mayor wins--er, I mean, loses...sorry...**

**Jack & Sally: THANK GOD!!!!!!**

**Me (opens up a portal with my iPod shuffle): Get in, tubbeh!**

**Mayor: Y-you can't do this to me; I'm--**

**(I kick Mayor in)**

**Mayor (as the portal closes):--AN ELECTED OFFICIAL!!!!!!!**

**Everyone: 5 down.**

**Me: I've always wanted to say that!! (Looks at the others) I'll be back in 10 days to get the winner. B'bye now! (walks off screen)**

**Jack: I'm feeling the strangest combination of worry and indigestion right now.**

**Barrel: I know whatcha mean.**


	6. Day 26

**Day 26**

**Me (voiceover): Only three left; Jack Skellington, Sally Finklestein, and Barrel...uh...whatever the heck his last name is...who will prevail (as if I cared)?!**

**(Barrel walks along the beach when he is grabbed by Jack and dragged into a bush)**

**Barrel: HELP, HELP!**

**Jack: Shh! Barrel, it's me!**

**Barrel: Oh, Jack...what are you doing?**

**Jack: I'm tyring to think up a plan to beat Sally!**

**Barrel: Why would you want to defeat your own love interest?**

**Jack (sighs): Well, as you know, Sally gets...uh...competitive.**

**Barrel: That's the nice way of saying it, right?**

**Jack (winks): Right; and if she wins, we'll never hear the end of it and and she'll rub the prize right in our faces.**

**Barrel: What is the prize anyway**

**(silence)**

**Jack: That's a good question...But, anywho, we must concoct a plan to defeat Sally!!**

**Barrel: You mean "team up"?**

**Jack: Yup. And once Sally's gone, we'll go back to being against each other. Whadaya say?**

**Barrel (shakes Jack's hand): You've got yourself a deal!**

**(Later)**

**Barrel (runs up to Jack): Hey, Jack, I've got an idea on how we can beat Sally.**

**Jack: Lay it on me.**

**Barrel (walks up to a makeshift catapult on the beach made out of sticks, bark, leaves and other stuff): Well, during the past few hours, I constructed this catapult out of stuff I found on the island. All we have to do is lure Sally onto the arm and fling her into the ocean.**

**Jack: How are we gonna get her over here? She's gonna see the catapult!**

**Barrel: Can you dig?**

**Jack: Uh...**

**(A few hours later, the catapult is covered in sand so it looks like a hill; Barrel and Jack sit down, exshausted)**

**Barrel: Phew! Finally, we're done!**

**Jack: Cool! but how do we get Sally to stand on the arm long enought for us to pull the string?**

**Barrel: We don't; we just wait until the time is right. **

**Jack: You got nothing, huh?**

**Barrel: Yup.**


	7. Day 28: Finale

**Day 28**

**Jack: Barrel! I've got a plan.**

**Barrel: Really! Spit it out!**

**Jack: Well, how about we just put something over there so that she'll go get it. But we'll secure it to the ground, the exact spot where the arm is, and put tree sap on the handle so, not only will she stick to it, but it will be secured to the ground so she'll be stuck there; this will bide us the time to pull the string and send her flying!**

**Barrel: It took you two days to come up with that?**

**(Jack and Barrel steal Sally's hairbrush and do what Jack said they were going to do to it)**

**Barrel: The trap is set!**

**Sally (offscreen): Jack? Barrel? Where are you? I can't find my hairbrush.**

**Jack: Shit! It's Sally! Quick; into those bushes!**

**(Barrel and Jack dive into bushes)**

**Sally (walks onscreen): Oh, there it is! (tries to pick it up, but is stuck to it) What the hell? (Pulls, but realizes she's trapped) IS THIS SOMEONE'S IDEA OF A BAD JOKE?!?!**

**(Jack and Barrel jump out of the bushes)**

**Barrel: No! It's our idea of an awesome trap!!**

**Sally (amazed): Jack?! You were in on this?!**

**(Barrel picks up string)**

**Jack (walks over to Sally and puts a hand on her shoulder): I'm sorry, Sally, but we all know how emulous you get!**

**Sally: SAY THAT TO MY FACE, YOU WUSS!!**

**(Barrel walks over to Jack and Sally with the string)**

**Jack (sighs): Pull the string, Barrel.**

**Barrel (with evil look on his face): If you say so! (With all his might, Barrel pushes Jack, causing him to fall over and stick to the brush, like Sally)**

**Jack: BARREL, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?! _I'M_ STUCK NOW!!!!!**

**Barrel: NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!!!!! (pulls the string)**

**(Catapult launches and Jack and Sally get flung over the ocean, now unstuck)**

**Jack and Sally (as they are soaring out of sight): CURSE YOU, MEDIEVAL EUROPE, AND ALL YOUR WOODEN MILITARY WEAPONS!!!!!!!!!!**

**(splash)**

**Barrel: HASTA LA VISTA, BITCHES!!!!!!**

**Me (walks onscreen in amazement): Whoa...I did so NOT see that coming.**

**Barrel: 7 down.**

**Me: Well, anyway, you win!!!!**

**(Barrel and I teleport to the Town Hall where everyone is: Dr. F, Lock, and Shock have bandages and bruises, Oogie is patched back together with ducttape, Mayor is fine, Jack and Sally are all wet)**

**Barrel: Cool! What do I win.**

**Me: You win a prize that's better than anything you could ever think of!**

**(Barrel's eyes light up)**

**Me: You...**

**Barrel: YES?!**

**Me: Win...**

**Barrel: YES?!**

**Me: The...**

**Everyone: JUST TELL HIM WHAT HE WON!!!!!**

**Me: You win the satisfaction of kicking everyone's butt!**

**(silence)**

**Barrel: That's it?**

**Me: Yup!**

**Mayor: We went through all of that crapola just for that?!**

**Me: Yup! Pretty awesome, huh?!**

**Lock: We risked our lives out in the wilderness for something that's not even worth anything!**

**Oogie: I say we KICK SOME ASS!!!**

**(Everyone agrees)**

**Me (nervously): Uh, what are you guys whispering about?**

**Sally: It's payback time!**

**Me (nervously as everyone closes in to beat me up): Hey, c'mon, guys, I'll make it up to you! **

**(Everyone starts beating me up)**

**Me: Ouch! Oh, God! That's gonna hurt tomorrow! Well, that's it for _Survivor--the Nightmare Edition_! Join me nextime, when we do _Halloweetown Idol_!**

**Everyone (In horror): WHAT?!?!?! **

**The End**


End file.
